Category: the Rant Board
Hello guys,
Usually, I have nothing to rant about, but today, there is an exception to that general rule. This year, I enrolled in college, and of course, like anyone else, I have a roommate. He is okay, but whenever I attempt to talk to him, he usually ignores me. Instead of talking, he plays his stupid play station. Man, sometimes I feel like crushing that stupid game consul and breaking it into very tiny bite-sized pieces. He is an asshole really.
Each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, everyone in my college 12,000 students, meet in a place for church. Today, he just informed me that "You need to find someone to take you to class." I said "What?" He told me "It is inconvenient for me." I told him, that in such short notice, I could probably not find someone. He just left me in the damn fucking church by myself, and luckily, a sweet girl helped me out. Sometimes, he is a fucking asshole. He told me "It is not my responsibility to take you to class." I said "No, it is not, but you obviously have a fucking advantage if you can see people in the dorm." Gosh, what an asshole.
Sorry, forgive me God.
Nathan
I think you should ask yourself who the real asshole is here. cause, with the particular attitude you've displayed on this post, I wouldn't be inclined to help you out, either.
And you can't make it to class on your own for what reason???
Simply, because I don't know the route, and 12,000 people are released from church at the same time.
I'm not being the asshole. I didn't say any bad words, I just included them on this post.
Well here's my take on the situation, and you may just consider me a dick, an old buzzard, a bastard or any such similar:
I understand roomate troubles, unpaid phone bills, people leaving shit all over, things like that. I understand because when I was slightly older than you probably are, I and a roomate got into one fierce fist fight over such things.
But the things you describe here aren't really roomate troubles.
First off, you're a man: I don't know how the chicks do the roomates things, but let me tell you. Him playing with his play station rather than making conversation actually sounds like a f-ing dream. If you function like two ships passing in the night, you both pay your way and clean up your own shit, who could really ask for more? If you hit it off and like to go out together / hit your favorite local establishments or concerts, well great. But at the core, you're just splitting costs and space and both doing separate things. Nobody says you have to be friends. Great when that works out but not a necessity.
I understand that culturally the parochial environments may be somewhat different, and since me and they mutually avoid one another I can't speak to that, but this is just the way it works. Time to grow up, sport.
And on top of that, you're right it is pretty inconvenient to be left someplace by your roommate. My personal take on the blind shit is as follows: Never ever ever make someone you live with be your primary ride or assistance to things. You need assistance, I need assistance, we all do who don't have eyes, even when living in the middle of the city. Once you hit that airport, for instance, you need help getting through the gate, onto and off of the plane, etc.
But it's your life, and ultimately your responsiblity. You're in command, so be a man and take control. Do a quid-pro-quo situation with someone and even at that have a backup.
In case you haven't learned what quid pro quo is, it's sort of the human equivalent to a symbiotic relationship you learned about in science class. You do something for them, and they do something for you. You want to make it their advantage to help you if you need that help. The reality is, if people continue to have to do something for nothing they will resent you.
The only exception to that rule may be hitching a ride where it's not out of their way and you all go to the same function or event.
This is going to follow you throughout life: It's a game sport, and you gotta play it like a game. You want them to want to help you because what they get out of it is exactly what they wanted. Granted, your options for goods you can offer are somewhat limited in a parochial environment, but you'll figure something out. That's how to get the job done: you figure it out, not them. You be the man and figure out how you're gonna take care of you. If it involves them, then that means they get something out of it so they want to come back for more, and continue to help. They won't feel like they're "helping you." Instead, it'll be cool to run around with MBullock because MBullock has something to give, or can take them places, they would otherwise not get, or maybe not get so easily.
I'm sorry if I came off harsh, you may not be a lifer like me, and so didn't have a whole childhood of experience to sharpen your wits and get you ready for this. One of the difficulties associated with having lost sight, rather than being a lifer, I imagine.
But now you know, so take the advantage, go figure it out, tell your roommate he doesn't have to help you anymore, because you get where he's coming from. Be proud of yourself for figuring it out. Plus, you never have to fear being stranded, because you never in truth fully depend on the other person. Not because of some independence thing like the institutions talk about, but because you know ultimately it always comes down to you.
I'll give you one example from my own life:
I was on a business trip, and was about to get off the plane. They showed up with the wheelchair, which I said I didn't need, and they said if I didn't want their help, they were going to leave. So, I turned around, and asked if anyone else heading for gate X was thirsty for a beer and would help me get to that gate? After we got there, I'd buy them a beer. Got me three offers right there, to be honest. And, I'm no fool, we checked into the gate first so as to make good on everything, then hit the bar, and bought his first beer.
I know advocacy types probably say there are other ways to manage that type of situation, but take it from an older guy Mbullock, my way definitely works and with zero resentment factor. I'm sorry you had to wait till you were 19 or so to figure that one out: being a lifer I was onto that game by age 6 or so. More reasons for us lifers to have sympathy for people who lost the sight later on.
Give the quid pro quo method a try. And always have backup plan. Remember who's ultimately responsible for you and who ultimately gives a damn about you.
leo is exactly right. and, I'll add to that, since there are so many people in the church, I'm sure if you said hi, and politely asked for help, someone would be eager to help point you in the direction you're trying to go.
I'm gonna add one thing, and if it makes me a sexist so be it sport.
A guy will blow you off, say, I can't do it, pull your own way, do your own shit, or whatever.
But there's never anything more nightmarish than a resentful and angry chick. Oh she'll drag your skinny little meth-infested ass around for you all right. And there's them accidents where you're gonna find out where a few stationary objects happen to be. That, and the, well, if it were Fakebook I'd say it but on here should just say "Ethnic mother" guilt trip.
Wouldn't you just love something like, "Well, I have a lot of other things to do, and I can call so-and-so and tell them I'll be late,..."?
In case you haven't had that happen yet, you won't love it. You wouldn't love it at 6, or 16, or 19, or 29, or any age. And they never change. You'd much rather have a good old-fashioned blow-off, trust me. And actually so would they if they just had the guts. But you can get the guts and make it not happen.
So what location don't you know yet? I'd say, go early, get lost, find your way, and get the job done. This has a ton less to do with your eyes than you imagine. I know plenty of young men, often not having had a father to tell them how it really is, who are somebody's resentment. And they're fully sighted. You don't have to be somebody's sloppy seconds that way, and when you don't, you'll stand a little taller and you'll already have the confidence you need.
Them self-esteem types have said a lot of complicated shit you need a psychology degree to understand, but for the most part I think they have it backwards. You go get the ball, sport, and when you go get it, nobody can take that away from you. It's all yours. People accuse you of being dependent or needing them, but you will not be put off by it: you'll know who it is that is looking out for you. Being lost and finding your way beats the living hell out of being run into shit.
Leo!
You crushed it man!
I'm glad somebody around here has some balls.
I walk almost a mile to class every day with my guide dog, and I hate hearing this shit where somebody feels like they can't do anything for themselves.
I admit that when I was in early college, I did walk with people all the time out of a sense of fear about getting lost.
I found out, though, after being late to class and or not being able to do what I wanted to do when my friends weren't around that this way wasn't how it was done.
You gotta make your own way in the world, and being a little bitch doesn't serve your cause.
As for the room mate situation, I've had some pretty lame room mates to be sure, but it's really not that bad.
And seriously, school's almost over.
Even if you don't feel like you can find your own way after being there for a year, seek the assistance of a mobility instructor over the summer and learn how to get around.
You'll feel a lot better if you know with confidence that you can get somewhere on campus by yourself.
Also, last but not least, God doesn't hate you if you say a curse word... Jesus Christ.
Totally agree. Get a fuckin' clue.
Uh, at the last post, if that's how he feels, so be it. Some people were raised in a stricter religious environment than others. Of course, by the time you're in college, you should be making your own way, but that doesn't mean he has to give up his beliefs.
Now I'll get to my main point: complaining because your roommate plays video games does seem a little bitchy to me. If I were in your situation, I would be on cloud 9. I'm not a particularly social person. The idea of having a roommate, someone I don't know, makes my skin crawl. That's one of several reasons I haven't gone to college. So just imagine if you and your roommate couldn't coexist, because that's what you're doing. If you want friends, go and find some, or stay in touch with your high school friends. But don't complain when your personalities aren't really clashing, because it could be a lot worse.
As for learning your way around the school, I would highly recommend you contact an orientation and mobility instructor before your classes start next semester. As soon as you know your schedule and where your classes are, I would recommend you call your mobility instructor right away so you can start learning your way around. I don't know how big your school is or how far apart your classes are but the sooner you learn the layout of the campus the better. That way you'll feel more comfortable and confident about getting around on your own.
As for the roommate situation, I don't know what to tell you about that since I never lived on campus throughout my entire college experience. So I haven't had to deal with having a roommate. I don't think I would like it though since I value my privacy and my own space, and I would feel really uncomfortable about the idea of living with complete strangers.
Maybe it's possible for you to request a single room? As I said I don't know since I've never lived on campus but it doesn't hurt to try.
Hope this helps.
I agree with chelsea, leo and others here.
there is seriously no excuse though, for not knowing your way around at this point.
You're much better off getting the help learning from someone who can teach you, rather than being seen as the dependant blind guy who can't accomplish anything. This effects your social standing big time, if no one wants to help you, because they are scared of becoming that person who does most everything with/for you.
And Honestly, I see that as a dream situation. having different interests doesn't make him a dick. Its not like you guys are having serious issues.
Hi guys,
I understand completely where you all are coming from. Honestly, I have met with an O and M teacher, but I have never focused on that route. I will though. Of course, Rockstar, you can get where you want to go; you have a year of college under your belt, and I only a semester. Give me a break. Plus, you don't have to worry about hearing loss either. So, before judging someone all the time, be careful who you point fingers at.
I agree with Leo. I honestly would much rather get places by myself. I will be obtaining my dog guide this summer, and hopefully, that will help. Before someone says something incredibly stupid here, yes, I know a dog guide doesn't "take" you where you want to go. You can't just say "go to the store" and it does that for you.
Some people treat others with respect on here, others are plain dick suckers.
Actually, you can. After you've gone through a certain route with your dog a certain number of times, they will know it, and you can say, "so&so, let's go to the bank." Just ask any user.
Some people treat others with respect on here, others are plain dick suckers.
Well, where does that put me? I'm a dick sucker, and I try to be respectful... LOL.
nbullock, I would also highly recommend using the ignore feature for those individuals who don't know how to treat others with respect. Trust me it will help avoid a lot of the rude negative comments and make your time on the site more enjoyable.
I've to agree with leo the zone captain for more than hundred times.
The more we depending upon someone, the more they expect from us in return.
I have my own personal experiences on this matter. I'm working in a company which is situated in heart of my city. Heavily crouded, No good footpaths, drunken drivers, rushing two wheelers and so on.
Initially, I was depending upon a friend for taking me from the bus stop to the office premises which could be just up to the maximum of 100 meters. He did that for a couple of weeks. All of a sudden, he just indirectly started asking me for tips for doing those things.
Shall we go have a coffee before going to work?
Shall we go for a beer while returning?
Will you please lend me some rupees?
I've realised and I stopped coming by that same bus which I used to go all days.
Learn and live, I say.
Dinesh aka Raaj.
So getting mobility help from a qualified person has been part of my life, and I am in my 60s now. I don't play big shot but I always wanted the independence thing, even if I had to get a qualified person to show me my way either in an office, in my living situation, or in a new school. My advice: Get the qualified help you need and you will be feeling better about yourself after you do that.
Ugh, hate to rain on your parade, call me a bitch if you want but it's people like you that make it a bloody mess for the rest of us blind people in the eyes of the sighted.
So now, when your roommate meets another person, here's what he's going to think.
___
Damn. Here's another helpless, whiny blind person. Why do they even exist. I'm not talking to that one. Staying far, far away, because the next thing I know, I'll be carting another one around till the end of time. I'm not someone elses free ride. Disabled people suck and aren't worth getting to know.
___
That's what he'll think. So thanks for further instilling that sort of stereotype in the minds of the sighted.
Like others said, I get that your blind and you have hearing loss and all that, but just because this guy is your roommate doesn't automatically make him your friend, your guide, or your whatever else. He just shares living space with you. Make a point of becoming more independent and stop relying on people to help you just because they're there. Don't make someone a slave to your needs just because. Why would you want someone to take pity on you like that anyway. Sorry. But the guy isn't an asshole really. Just a human being. He's got his own life to live and it's not his problem you can't get to class. That's my rant. Nuf said.
I couldn't have said it better than the previous poster. There's a reason professional training exists. Sadly, though, with your current aditude, you could hardly benefit, because you honestly don't think you're in the wrong here. I'm glad your room mate stood up and said he couldn't walk you to class. You're right. some college room mates are jerks. In this case, it sounds like it's you.
please people, I understand where you're coming from, yes, it is his responsibility, not his roommate's to get him to his classes. However it is only his first semester, he's got a lot to learn, and I can remember how challenging and nervous I was when starting college. Plus finals probably begin within the next week or two, so that's also a stressful and challenging time during the semester. So, try to give the guy a break, and offer a bit of encouragement. Anyone who's been through college knows it isn't easy.
enabling people/making excuses for them does no good, either. it's his first semester of college, so what; either he'll take this bull called life by the horns, learn that not everything is about him, yet, figure out how to make things work, or he won't. either option is his choice.
Yes, I know it's not easy. I'm fresh out of college myself. I went to a college where I had to get around an urban campus in a big city. It was a challenge for me since I was originally a small town girl. Crowds, loud noises, crazy drivers, a million buildings that seem so alike--You name it. I was a first smemster student too. I got lost, was late to class, I had roommates too. However, I never expected them to be in the position to help me. Sure, a favor here and there is ok, but as a blind person, or, scratch that--As a person in general, I never felt ok with burdening people with my challenges. My O and M person was there to teach me that sort of thing. I'm not trying to be insensative, and I'm not all high and mighty. And I'd love to give a first semester freshman a break--But the best thing I can offer this poster, judging from the original post, is a nice big chunk of reality. Because he needs it.
When I was eight years old, I was a mess. My family babied me all the time--I didn't know how to tie my shoes. All because I was blind. Then I was assigned a new TVI, who I swear was the meanest person in the world. I was literally afraid of her for three years. Yet that woman taught me how to use a computer, how to write with a slate and stylus, she instilled in me a passion for reading, and yes--she taught me how to tie my shoes. And she taught me that no one should be expected to help me just because I'm blind. That I should be able to help myself first and foremost, or at least have the good sense to bardr with someone like Leo Guardian said. There's nothing wrong with asking for help, however, there's something majorly wrong with expecting it outright.
Yes, its the first semester of college, and that's hard, but guess what, its the end of the first semester. This isn't the first week, he's been there for at least a couple months, he should be able to navigate on his own.
And no, I won't cut him a break, he's being a bitch to people who are trying to help him, that negates his break getting rights. You want to get a break, buy your roommate a cup of coffee when he helps you, pay him back. Judging by what he said, you haven't paid your roommate back for anything. He's not there to serve you and be your maid, he's there to go to college.
And so what if he doesn't pay attention to you. he plays on his playstation all day, and that's his right, its his playstation. What do you do all day? I'm guessing that you don't go out and do a lot, since you can't navigate. You probably aren't a club or bar hopper, I doubt you even go out to diners and discuss books or music with your friends. I'm willing to put money that you hardly ever leave your room, and rarely socialize with anyone at all. I have no sympathy for you.
old buzzard leo is quite right. Act like a man and your roomate will do the same. If he won't get with the program, you get with it. Let me tell you when you get out of colledge you will see what the real world is like.
There was this guy in guide dog school while I was there.
We got meals at the training center as part of the accomodations, and every night this douche bag would yell at the cooks until one of them came out of the kitchen and made him something else.
He never liked what we were eating, and he always wanted things his way.
After dinner every night, he'd beg some sighted instructors help to get to where he wanted to go, even though it was just down the hall.
I know it isn't gonna make me any friends to take such an angry tone, but it's blind people like this that make me just fucking sick of the hole lot of us.
Every time I'm walking around down town by myself, obviously being independent and doing my own thing, and somebody comes up to me and manhandles me because they think i'm not able enough to get across the street by myself, I wonder if they've come across some entitled cry baby asshole like this.
Every time a blind person who isn't mentally handicapped acts like a socially retarded, entitled prick, it sets us all back.
We wonder why blind people are portrayed so poorly in movies, books, what have you?
It's hearing stuff like this that just really makes me lose my shit.
Why is it that such an inordinate number of blind people can't just get it together enough to be even slightly normal?
I have no shame at all in asking for help from a friend in getting somewhere, but you better damn well know that I'm going to do something for them in return. Even if it's something small, I'll hook a friend up with a drink from the store or a bite to eat or something.
It isn't about what you give them, it's about being a decent enough person to show a small token of appreciation when somebody goes out of the way to help you.
Now to get back to the point.
When I lived on campus, before i grew up and got an apartment, I walked around with people all the time.
It is convenient for college students to hang out in groups of friends. The problem with your situation is that you aren't making friends.
Your room mate made it to college, he's not stupid. Why the fuck would he wanna help you get to class when you write on random internet forums about how much you want to crush his playstation?
You don't think he knows how you feel? Come on man... Give me a break.
You don't have to be a rocket scientest to figure out when your college roomie doesn't like you; trust me, I know.
There's no shame in needing help figuring out where things are.
There's no shame in getting lost.
There's no shame in finding it more convenient to walk around with your friends.
Where there is shame is becoming lax and not being able to take care of yourself when there's nobody around to help you.
So please, for the love of god, next time you go out, try not to be a total disgrace to blind people everywhere.
How are the rest of us ever supposed to get any respect when people like you are running around shitting on all the hard work other blind people do every day when we walk, by ourselves, down to the local coffee shop to get some breakfast?
There is no problem you can't solve with a little bit of resourceful and creative thinking.
You've made it to college, good job.
Now use some of that brain power on figuring out how to get around your school, instead of using it all to sit around and be a dick all the time.
Parenthetically, whenever I'm walking around downtown, and someone walks up and manhandles me, they get a very hard elbow to the ribs. You don't go up and grab a person, how am I supposed to know you're not a mugger? End of parentheses.
Thank you, Roxtar for putting what I was trying to get across more bluntly. Perhaps if enough of us say this, more of the blind beggar "poor me" types might get a fucking clue.
Speaking of being manhandled, when I was in my second year of college in Boston, trying to cross a busy street with my guide dog, a person came up to me and grabbed my arm. She attempted to drag me across the street, and the kicker is, the fucking light was green for the street we were going to cross!! I don't normally lose my cool with strangers, but I went ape shit at that lady. I said, "are you fucking kidding me? You trying to get us both killed?" And all she said was, "well, your blind. I was just trying to help you. I helped that other blind girl the other day; She was totally ok with it. How come you're so ungreatful.".
Well. Excuse me for not wanting to be run down by an eighteen-wheeler, lady. Damn.
And later I found out that woman was homeless. I ran into her another time while she was trying to score some change on the corner where my dorm building was located. Someone passed by and gave her a few bucks; And get this--She tried to give it to me. Now, I am far from being the kind of person who walks around in rags. I'm not stuck-up and expensive designer shit is not really my thing, but I am always clean and presentable, and my clothes are in great shape. That day in fact, I was dressed to impress, because I was coming back to my dorm from an important internship interview. Therefore, for the life of me, I couldn't fathom why this homeless lady was trying to press a few crumpled dollar bills into my hand. I calmly asked her why she wanted to give them to me, and guess what she said.
"Because you're blind. You blind people are really poor people. I'm homeless. That sucks. But I'd rather be homeless than blind."
So because she pissed me off, and out of curiosity, I asked her, "do I look like I need a couple of crumpled bucks?"
And she said, "Well no. I wouldn't even know you're blind accept for the dog, but I always give my money to the couple other blind ones that come round here, and they never have a problem with it. so what's your problem."
I was so outraged. I walked away without another word.
The point of this long ramble is that a homeless person--A person who has no where to live, was feeling sorry for us poor blind people to the point where she wanted to sacrifice the few bucks she mannage to weedle out from someone. Really? Again, I don't mean to be a bitch, but that's the impression that some blind people give society--That it's worse when you can't see than if you have nowhere to live. You fuckers know who you are. And if you don't, shame on you. Get a clue.
it's not the fact that he can't get around that's the problem. it's his aditude. if he had the right aditude, and was really trying, either to be more greatful to his room mate for the help he does provide, or to attempt to do these things himself, I'd be willing to cut him a lot more slack. As a few people have said, there's nothing wrong with asking help. the problem comes in when you see this as a chore they've somehow acquired by rooming with you, and not as a favor that, unless specifically told otherwise, you should repay somehow.
I know a girl like that in this area. The real kicker is that she goes on and on about how I need to be independent which is true enough. But this girl will demand things and threaten to sue if she doesn't get her way. I've heard her threaten a grocery store employee for refusing to help her shop, even though that particular person had more pressing duties to attend to and even though they offered to get someone who could! help her. Then she was also going to take the local public library to court for refusing to let her put braille labels on all the audiobooks. On the surface that doesn't seem like an unreasonable request, but being a public library it's not patroned only by blind folks and blind folks don't have a monopoly on audiobook listening. With that in mind there's no guarantee that those labels would still be on the book after the next time a sighted person checked it back in. And then knowing Marie she'd be treatening to sue the library for not seeing to it that those labels remained atached.
Someone should write this material up in a book for those to whom it's intended, and entitle it:
"Which pair of balls is really malfunctioning?"
Reading through this, I had to log in and post.
I don't know what it's like to have hearing loss. I imagine that makes mobility for you something scary. I can't imagine trying to walk around being both blind and deaf, because I rely on my ears so much to dodge people and to orient myself in an open building lobby.
for my first year in college, I was "that blind person" who relied on anybody to get me around. Why? Because I was so unprepared for the big bad world. It stressed me out. Every semester, I'd try to line up my classes with my friends so I'd have somebody to go with. I would be in tears from the panic and the anxiety of making sure I got to class. I even failed a class because of it. Do you know how that ended up? I got so depressed and became such a nervous wreck that I left that school, got my shit together, and learned how to do for myself. It's such a better feeling.
I know that mobility is scary, believe me, I've been there. But deaf, blind, both... you can't spend your whole life hanging onto somebody to get you where you gotta go. you're a big boy, and you're deaf-blind for the rest of your life. harsh as it sounds, you might as well learn to do for yourself.
I love what Leo said about quid pro quo. It's so true. And personally, your roommmate is a good person for taking you around this long. don't hate him because he resents you, be thankful that he helped you in the first place. he's not your mommy, and it's not his place to do it.
I know we come across as mean in what we've said, but it's true. I'm glad you're meeting with an O and M instructor to learn the route. do it, be brave, and learn what you have to, otherwise, you're gonna be buying a lot of beers for people.
ok people, enough is enough; I'm quite sure he gets the message by now.
If you don't want fifty billion people throwing their comments in, don't post on a forum!
Actually, I'd be very surprised if he's gotten the point. Exhibit A is that he hasn't posted any vehemently insulted replies to any of the posts that belittle and riddicule him. It has been my experience that hardly anyone can resist the temptation to reply to someone who does not agree with a rant they post on the boards. I'd be willing to bed that he maybe read one, saw a few people who agreed with him, and left it at that. In fact, it wouldn't shock me to know that he hasn't returned to this board post since writing it.
Exhibit B is that, in my experience, people who post something such as this post, hardly ever learn their lesson. They'd much rather whine about how people are being unfair and just don't understand, than they would sit back and learn a lesson from it. In the vast majority of situations like this, that is the result you get; just a lot of whining.
Granted, there is some possibility that he had some sort of epiphany, but I highly doubt it. I doubt he has learned anything at all. Maybe I'm just negative though.
it's funny how certain others continually try to get us to quit sharing our thoughts on this public forum, cause, they, too, think we're being disrespectful.
but, the reason most people in the world can't handle our way of presenting things, is cause they'd rather things be watered down and for us to cater to people's sensitivity. not gonna happen, though.
so, I wouldn't say you're negative, Cody; I would, though, say you're likely right in thinking he couldn't handle such disagreement. and, clearly others can't, either.
I swear, some people would defend just about anything on this site. I agree with Kayla. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. If Nbullock or anyone else doesn't want to see these posts, they don't have to look at the forem. Jees, wow. what a concept!
Yeah. This is the Rant board, after all. Aren't we here to, uh, rant? lol
I agree with Ocean dream, people are so goddamn stupid.
No, apparently only the original poster is here to rant. We are here to coddle him until he feels better. Because kindness has worked so well in the past, don't you know. I mean, who needs to actually get around on their own? He could just get someone to help him, whose gonna care?
exactly. as long as he gets to and from where he needs to go, what does it matter if he's using others to accomplish that? they're being nice, and kindness is everything, right?
To those telling us to let up.
that's going to do him less good than being force fed the truth.
Fact is, its people lik you that create people like this. understanding is all good in my opinion. Though based on his other bords and actions, there really is not much slack that can be gifted to him. He's got to learn that the world is not served up on a silver platter. and most likely the best way to do that is to take these comments like a man.
I agree. This is coming from someone who's not particularly socially comfortable, as I said But this fact alone would make me want to do things independently. I can also speak from experience about being spoken to harshly. As much as some people want to sugarcoat the truth, it does nothing for you in the long run. what does eventually sink in, even if it takes awhile, is the harsh but most often well-intentioned honesty that's delivered by those who value it.
I understand what you're saying, but there are ways to deliver honesty without picking on and criticizing a person to the extent most have on this board. And, based upon the content of this board, I doubt people were trying to offer well-intentioned honesty anyway. Personally I think some individuals just come on here because they gain some kind of sick pleasure in trying to intentionally bring out the worst in others. Very sad, but it's not my place to judge.
And, you can try to convince a person to want to be independent until the end of time, but ultimately it's their decision to make. You can't force someone to want to change, they have to do it themselves. Believe me I've had to learn this lesson for myself due to various experiences I've had.
True, you can't force them to change, but you can make the decision a lot easier by not being nice to them. People don't like being picked on, and they will find the easiest way to do it. Besides, I never have, and I never will have pity for someone who puts their personal life on the board and then gets upset about what people say. If you can't handle it, don't put it out here for us to read and comment on. Keep it to yourself and you'll never be picked on about it.
Oh, and just as an aside, I can't stand when people say, "but that's not my place to judge". First of all, its an incomplete statement because you leave out the next sentence where you say, "But I'm obviously doing it anyway because I just wrote all that out." Second, you're judging, we all know you're judging, be proud of it. Dont' qualify it by going, "Well here is what I think, and because its negative I'm going to sugarcoat it by saying that I'm not actually judging you, cuz that would be rude and insensative." Have some backbone and go, "I disagree with what you're doing, I don't like it, and that's the end of the story." I hate sugarcoating, but its not my place to judge.
I just hope the author of this topic learns what the world is all about.
Yeah, before it's too late.
So, its not your place to judge, but you're making the assumption that people just enjoy cutting others down on here.
I do believe that is a judgement. So, are you judging people on here or not? Or are you doing as cody thinks you are and making your thoughts more palatable?
As you have probably figured out, i'm somewhat blunt. I don't do it with any malice, usually. there for, its extremely unlikely that i'm posting just to get under peoples skin.
I am sorry my opinions and method of expressing them are not to your taste.
Nothing good comes of sugarcoating, and lets face it, reality is more productive. Admittedly, I might have been less harsh, if I hadn't seen the topic creator acted, and the way he regularly deals with people.
I'm not imotionally invested in any of this kind of drama, and its probably for that reason I feel less worried about pulling punches.
After all, there are enough politically correct people to do that when i'm not around.
Oh, poor you, what a poor poor boy, don't get the support you needed from your roommate. Yes, he's a real jerk all right. He doesn't pay attention to you just because you are his roommate, whom need help, and whom might not even know how to ask nicely, and hold a proper friendly conversation. i feel so sorry for you. So very sorry. Lets come to me, let me rap you in bubble, you will be okay. Forget about the jerk, you are such a poor blind and deaf boy. such poor boy. I'm so, so so so sorry for you.
kind&creativeLady, How's that?
hahahahahahahahahaha.
LOL.
Well done! That's what this guy wants. Poor thing, let us shelter you from harm.
There are homeschooling parents I know of who will not speak to me anymore, because I said what you all are saying, in a way:
Sheltered people are food. There are people who troll the area looking for easy prey and vulnerable victims, and sheltered people are that food, no more, no less.
It's definitely not a blind thing, and opportunistic feeding tends not to discriminate. Shall I say, opportunistic predators honor diversity among the sheltered.
Well said. It sure is sad.
*yawn*
Yonder horse is long dead. No sense in continuing to beat it.
i read earlier that the origional poster is waiting to go for a guide dog, don't you have to actually competantly do a travel route before you can go for a dog and if you can't walk to class then what route do you actually know
Yep, last time I checked you had to be a pretty damn good traveler to have a guide dog. Now, I have my own personal reasons for not getting one, like the fact that I don't want the extra attention, not to mention I really don't care for dogs. But when I was in high school I did consider it for a time, mostly because of my parents' pressure. They basically said that traveling with a cane enforces all the worst blindness stereotypes you can imagine, and makes you look weak, helpless and vulnerable. I had a mobility instructor who role-played (if you can call it that) being a guide dog. So on some lessons she would allow me to take a harness that was attached to her (and this was in the streets of Philadelphia, granted, one of the better areas, but I guarantee we got some weird looks) and started running. Literally running, and expecting me to keep up. Not that I'm not fit, and not that I couldn't keep up, but she could have warned me. When I asked her why, she said because all guide dogs move at a fast pace. I don't think that's true though, because I knew someone who had a guide dog who walked like a turtle. then this teacher would do some dumb shit like try to pull away from me or squat down if I took too long crossing a street. That just sealed the deal right there. It was not a pleasant experience. Not to mention I felt completely lost without a cane in my hand. When I'm outside of my house or other familiar areas, like friends' houses, I want the security of having my cane. It's what I've used since I was little, and I don't think I could ever get used to the weird sense of kind of being naked without it.
She was on a leash? Sounds like a certain Spinal tap album cover! haha.
I think she needs more experience with a guide dog. They match the guide dog to your pace, they don't all just start running. That would be moronic.
yes it certainly would.
leo, I think you're my hero. lol I loved the bit about offering other passengers a beer to assist you rather than being wheeled around like an invalet. Almost makes me wish that would happen to me so I could do the same and show up the agents. lol
There are two issues here. One is the way you and your roommate interact in your dorm, and the other is the being left in church.
Your roommate should at least say hi to you if you say hi to him. If he won't though and he'd rather play games, I think you should assume you and him won't have a good personality.
It seems rather unchristian to leave somebody stranded. Personaly I don't think you should rely exclusively on him to guide you to class. It's good to have a variety of people, and as has been suggested, to do things in return sometimes.
I understand that some people find mobility easier than others. While some blind people would be able to learn the layout of a campus and the town in which the campus is located, others won't. Like sighted people, our abilities vary. It is wrong, unkind and hypocritical of people to look down on people who are less able than them when they are less able than others.
If we were talking about an essay, I'd agree with you. If this was singing, poetry, dance, hockey, or kicking a football, i'd agree with you. Its not though. We're not talking about a skill that isn't necessary for life. We're talking about being able to get from place to place. This is a skill that is absolutely, no question, necessary for life.
Its not a matter of being good at it, or bad at it. Its a matter of you learn how to do it, or you spend the rest of your life being a burden to someone else. If you're not good at it, you try harder. If you still don't get it, you try a different method, if that doesn't work you try still harder. You try, and you try, and you try until you've gotten it. It has nothing to do with how good you are. That isn't an excuse.
you, (and this is directed at the original poster), are in college now. Its time to grow up, stop being childish, buckle down, and figure out how to do things on your own. I do not care one bit how good you are at it, or how hard it is, or how scared you are, or that your parents babied you, or that its raining, or that your head hurts, or that you have a friend whose willing to walk with you to class. I don't give one single furry little rat's ass about any of that.
You get out there, you do it, and you do it on your own. Until you do, you either stop bitching, or you accept that fact that I, and others like me, will riddicule you for it.
If just because he doesn't want to convers with him and he calling him names like calling him a Jerk, if there's 12,000 students came out from the church and no one giving him a helping hand to his class and he blaime others for not helping him, i wonder who respondsibility and attitude is to blaime for that.
Seriously, how many of us find that people, even strangers are only too delighted to help us, and how many of us, time after time, needing to reject those helpfulness from other in the most friendly way that we can.
If, in hhis case, 12,000 people, out from 12,000 people and out of none that willing to help, that say something, loud and clear. either 1, he's not capable for asking help in the proper way, or, 2. every one is scared of him.
Hmm... I was always tought you must adapt to this sighted world do not expect them to adapt to you. This holds true for traveling as well, get help to learn your routs and take that old trusty cane and "get moving". The world is a bitch, in it are bitches, so what are you going to do, pray the world will stop and drop everything for you or get up, do it for yourself, take that trusty cane and get moving. "its your choice, what will you do...."
Ah think I'll grab that trusty ol' white stick and mozey on down to the general store.
Yup. And then get good with that trusty cane so maybe you can see about getting a guide dog at some point. Just be polite when you tell people not to pet said dog.
He's getting a dog in Summer... that school must be teriblely sucks in their matching process. if he's not capable to go from location A to B independently without any help, i don't see how a dog guide can help. Sadly, there're some dog guide school in the world that will give their dogs to anyone who's legally blind, who may, or may not match the requirements of having a dog.
True. I once knew someone else who was just as bad if not worse. Blind since birth but refused to use her cane or even go sighted gide to avoid getting lost. But yet Guide Dogs for the Blind let this woman in. The outrageous part is they denied me three years later based on the fact that most of my neighborhood features large sections without sidewalks. They said I live in too danerous of a neighborhood.
Well thanks @DomesticGoddess.
And, I for one, think to a point Senior is right. I pity my sister who would get lost most easily, and she is fully sighted. Wer she blind, she would be a mess.
Now, I saw a situation once where a newly-blinded guy was really adept at the quid pro quo, made my beers incidents look rather clumsy and inept. I don't quite know how he did it, except that he was extremely personable and even I, a blind guy, was drafted on numerous occasions to have him grab a meat hook and run along with me. And, due to his disposition, nobody cared: nobody minded doing it, including me. It looked like an expensive way to go: even though he didn't always buy things for people, he was just so personable all the time that, like I said, nobody minded.
I was very concerned for awhile on account of the resentful-sister-act I thought he was going to get, but he knew just who to avoid and who to ask. And at times, quite frankly, he said he had to wait quite awhile to get places. He tended to be really good at spotting those of us with a pretty easy-going disposition, without a lot of hangups or ideals, and would hitch a ride, be it across the office campus or to the store.
It always looked like a far more difficult way to travel than the way I got around. To me, it struck me as almost painful. But as I said to him once, he wasn't really putting anybody out, since he always made sure to surround himself with people who wouldn't mind helping out. He never once put on the poor-me act, and I could see that in his own way he was independent.
So if you struggle with travel, who am I to say? But you do need to still do like I said: be a man, get your sh*t together and figure a way to get yourself carted around one way or the other.
Ironically, I was resented by a couple of other people, for "not showing him how to get around." My response? Not every motorist is a driver's Ed instructor.
And he had never asked me to take him where I wasn't going anyway.
Hi all,
I never want someone to pity me because I am blind. I don’t stand on the street corner begging for money. Hearing loss is not something that I have dealt with my entire life, and it is taking some time to adjust too.
If you all have the balls, put ear plugs in, cross the busiest intersection you can find, and let me know how it turns out for you.
As for actually navigating to the church, I new how to get their. I just did not know how to find a seat.
I have purchased my roommate several items including pizzas, a microwave, and many other things. I don’t expect anyone to do anything for me. I just know when you have a hearing loss, it does require more assistance to travel than just being blind. The only people who would understand where I am coming from on this forum would be implicator and Develish Anthony. Hearin loss does not have to be a factor that makes you dependent, but it certainly takes a while to become accustomed to.
Nathan
First, standing on the street corner and begging is not pity... its begging. Sighted people beg.
Next, finding a seat in a church should be something you can fumble your way through. That really isn't that difficult. You may feel a few people, but that is survivable.
I will admit that it would be more difficult to navigate with a hearing loss in addition to blindness, but guess what, its not impossible. you're not totally deaf, if you were you'd be saying deaf, not hearing loss. Thus, I still have no sympathy for you. You still have to get out there and do it yourself.
For crossing streets, you can get cards that you wear around your neck. You hold it up when you get to the street you need to cross. They will say something like, "please help me cross the street. I am hard of hearing and blind. Tap me if you can help me. I do it all the time. Embarrassing, but you gotta do what you gotta do. They're not gonna go around installing those vibrating traffic signals absolutely everywhere.
Sounds like a great suggestion. The key, as is the key to all things, is be resourceful. Nobody, despite what you may have been told, is born resourceful. Resourcefulness is 100% learned, and usually by life experience. I shudder every time someone tries to tell me I'm gifted with resourcefulness. It's like standing there watching them saw their foot off and tell me I'm gifted with two feet.
Start with what you can do, and what you have to trade with those who can do things you can't. The key is you remain in control of your own destiny. Waiting on a hope and a prayer is just suicide by idealism.
Yeah, I agree with you all. I do have a card and am learning how to use it.
Uh, it's not rocket science. You stand at the corner and hold it up. That's all really.
I know. I have done it before. I'm not stupid, as many of you think I am on here. Your completely incorrect about that assumption. You judge a person based on what he or she cannot do, not what they can do. Everyone has struggles. Yes, it doesn't matter if your deaf, blind, or have multiple disabilities. So, the way I choose to get around is my business. No one else either needs to be concerned with me. You can bitch me out if you want, but have fun because I won't listen to your sarcasm, when I know I am a wonderful person and you all can't even see through yourselves to recognize that.
Nathan
If the way you choose to get around is none of our business, then why the fuck did you post it on here for everyone to see?
Well, in a way, it is our business, because you, as a blind person, represent the rest of us to everyone sighted person you meet. It's not how it should be, but that's how it is. We're a minority; It's very likely that if a sighted person does meet someone who is blind in theri life, it's probably only going to be only that one person. So naturally, if you're the blind person a sighty happens to meet, you'll stick out in his or her mind. And if you don't know how to get around on your own, the sighted one will think the rest of us don't know how to do that either. Because people naturally form stereotypes, especially if their ignorant about a group of people or a culture. They'll grasp what little they know and form an impression. So yes. It sort of is our business.
Hmmm, well every sighted person I have encountered has been impressed with the way I can get around, so up your ass. There are always stereotypes, learn how to fucking deal with them and stop being a bitch to everyone else. I posted this topic to vent and see what opinions I would get. Obviously, I won't ask anyone's fucking opinion about how I get around. At least, not on this site.
Sounds like you are the one gotta learn to "fucking deal" with your problems. If you so don't care about your own business getting on to public, why bother to post at the first place? to get pitiness from others? You are blind and deaf, so what. There are alot of people who are the same, if not more disable than you. But, then, they are people with multiple disability, not multiple disable people. Get me?
No, no, you don't. Cause the only way you know how to deal with your problems is coming here to winge and wine. when no one give you the pitiness that you think you deserve, you so hope for, you start to atact others about how we judge you and so on.
If you don't want to be judge, stop being so self pity to start with. And stop wining like a little child who lost his beloved toy.
I'm not discounting you and your disability, but it is not the end of the world.
Learn some real communication skills, be friendly to others, and be independent. Half of your problems will ease by having self confidents. If you keep sitting there and wine and winje, being a disable person, even me, as someone with disability will run quick and fast, far away from you. And here you wonder why your roommate don't communicate with you, how you expect, when you start calling them names like calling them a jerk and stuff? And there you wonder why is so hard to date, hey, girls seriously, not looking for a baby boy to nurture, we want a man who we, and our friends, and family and the rest of the world can communicate, who care for us, who we can care for. not a boy. There's the different between a man and a boy. And now, sorry to say, you are a boy, you are not a man.
Well, he's not totally deaf, neither am I. Now, being hard of hearing and blind is a fucking pain in the ass, I'll give ya that. But there are ways to aleviate the difficulties.
Oo Oo, lookey here, our bullocks is getting a bit testy, eh? All that fussin' and cussin'... be careful, God might get mad. lol. Ok. There. Now that makes me a bitch. Because so far I don't think I was being a bitch, but since you said I am one, I might as well live up to the persona. Right?
Because I doubt that having a strong opinion that clashes with yours makes me a bitch. Hardly. Just because I have a way with words and I'm not afraid to use them to give people a reality check...
Admit it; You were only posting your opinion in hopes that we would all sympathize with you. You don't mind getting feedback as long as it's agreeable and doesn't ridicule you.
At post 78, really? That argument again?
Honestly, if you care that much about what people think of you, you need to get a life. So what if people form a stereotype based on this one blind person they saw begging on the street, or a Stevie Wonder concert they went to, or what have you. You can stick your nose in the air and be the perfect prim and proper blind person all you want, but even if you meet 10 sighted people tomorrow, 5 of them will probably hate you, 4 will be scared or skeptical or just plain won't know what to do, and 1 will consider giving you the time of day. That's life, and stereotypes exist, it's human nature. Whether the prejudice is based on race, culture, disability, or just that person being in a bitchy mood that day and deciding they don't like the way you walk or something, you won't change it. Besides, last time I checked, one person's opinion doesn't change the world. The NFB philosophy is the stuff of fairy tales, which is what this discussion appears to be degenerating into. Nobody's perfect, and just like you can't change every sighted person's opinion by changing one person's mind, you also can't change how other blind people choose to live their lives. Of course, he did post this on a public forum, so I guess in a way he asked for it. After all, you can't control the responses you'll get. You have to learn to take a few blows if you express an unpopular viewpoint, whether that's on a forum or in real life.
well said to the last poster; since when does the way one blind person choose to live their life have anything to do with the rest of the blind people in the world? Where the hell does that logic come from? That's as ridiculous as saying just because one sighted person you meet is a jerk, then all other sighted people in the world must be jerks. The fact many seem to have a difficult time understanding is that everyone is different. some people are kind, some are happy, some are smart, some are nonjudgmental, some are just plain rude and critical of others for no reason, and so on. That's just life. And, I personally want nothing to do with someone who is going to judge me based upon another blind person's lifestyle without even getting to know me anyway.
I don't buy that "each blind person speaks for the group as a whole" crap, either. we're simply individuals.
and, let's face it: at the end of the day, people don't care about whether we're blind. it all comes down to how we portray ourselves as an individual.
if someone's bitching cause they're hard of hearing/whatever else have you, people will write them off in a snap. no one likes to be around anyone they see can't/won't do for themselves, or who doesn't at least make an honest effort.
nmbollock, this doesn't mean people are heartless assholes who aren't empathetic. rather, when you display the fact you aren't confident, and wine instead of trying to make it in the world, people don't give you a second look cause someone so down on themselves likely doesn't/wouldn't accept the help they're so adamant about needing.
First of all, saying you wouldn't want anything to do with someone who would judge you based on other people, you've obviously never been in a situation where you have had to. I have, so allow me to regale you with a story. Sit back and have a cup of coffee, this'll be fun.
A few years ago, I transferred to a new school. It was a middle school as I recall, and in a small town in Michigan. Now, before I had gone to this school, a blind girl had already been attending for some time. She had already been in the classrooms of most teachers, and the administration was well acquainted with her.
She was one of those blind people that had nothing wrong with her, but whose family had babied her to such a degree that she was mentally inept. She could not form a thought for herself, nor do anything on her own, and was certainly not in highly placed, or even regular classes. I, on the other hand, am not like that. I am, if I may be so bold, a rather intelligent person, who can get along perfectly well and even thrive in a public setting.
Now, before I had even gotten to the school, before even having met me, the administration of the school had prepared a schedule for me made up of remedial level classes and special education classes. None of which I needed, nor wanted. I had to prove to them that I was well equipped to handle the other classes.
When my mother asked the principal why I had been put in such classes, she was told that it was because the other blind girl was in such classes. They could not imagine another blind person being so drastically different.
There are so many stereotypes about blind people, that if we allow even one of us to follow them, as the creator of this board is doing, it is a detriment to the rest of us. Like it or not, that is how people are. You saying that you don't want anything to do with them is just foolish on your part. They may one day be someone in a position of authority over you. You then have the choice to take it on the chin, or fight to change it. Apparently, and I could be wrong, you would just take it on the chin.
However, even if it were not true that people judge us based on stereotypes and their encounters with other blind people, why would you want to be helpless? Why would you want to not be able to do things on your own? Why would you not want to be as independent as possible? Clearly this poster is not as independent as possible, and yes, I admit that he has a difficult situation. However, him whining and swearing and throwing a fit is just proof that he is not of a maturity level that is comparable with a college level or a life on his own.
If you, and here I address the creator of the post, are faced with a difficult situation in real life, are you going to throw a fit as you did here? If someone is putting you in an adverse situation, are you going to cuss them out? If someone disagrees with you, are you going to call them a bitch? If you would, then you are a child, and I have less respect for you then I already did.
while I wouldn't choose voluntarily to associate with someone who would judge one person based on the actions of another, it happens, and sometimes you can't avoid it. Now, does the actions of a blind person in, say, Washington State affect how a blind person in Florida will be treated? it's doubtful. So to say that Mbullock's actions are our business because they will negatively impact all of us is a stretch. But they will, however, definitely impact any blind student who attends that particular college in the future, and sadly, it will most likely impact any interactions between his room mate and other blind people. No, we can't blame Mbullock for that specifically, since I doubt that's what he intends to have happen, but that doesn't suddenly ileviate him of his responsibility to treat those who help him with some semblance of respect, if nothing else. I personally don't give a shit about his outbursts on the boards, but if that's how he treats people locally, I can see why they would.
My comments were personally not aimed at all towards the one-blind-person-represents-us-all approach. I'd say the same to any young person, be they blind, sighted, or one-legged frog.
Long ago I gave that fairy tale up about so-called education, or re-education, or concentration camp, of the sighted. People cling desperately onto their ideals and their fears, despite what you or I might do. You always hear the stories about some messed-up situation where a blind guy ruined it for the rest of everybody, but you never hear about the opposite, where some so-called stellar one makes everybody's day.
I only said what I said, because in the end of it all, you are the only one who will really look out for you. People have their own ideas, and usually cling to them desperately for their own security blanket. Your security is you, and the abilities you develop.
No, in real life, I don't use profane language. Other people do on here , and if I get pissed off because of your criticism, I will use profanity. Yes, I am not as independent as I want to be but I am working on it. Do any of you know anyone who is perfect? I don't, and I know I'm not. I have my own faults because that is how each one of us were created. I don't know why I even posted this really. Just to vent... Just need to get a journal instead of using these boards.
Nathan
Oh, and for all of you who are concerned with me representing the blind population incorrectly, I sincerely apologize. Personally, I dislike the NFB and ACB, but that could be a whole different discussion.
For all of those who disagreed with me about the blind person stereotype business, I only meant the kind of thing that Cody later reiterated in his story. He gave an example of exactly what I meant. It's true that a blind person's actions in Zimbabwe will affect a blind person in the US, for example, is a stretch. In a perfect world, we could all be individuals, despite our race, ethnicity, disability or lack there of, and we could cease to give a rats ass about how others like us cary themselves, because it wouldn't affect us. That, unfortunately, is not the case, though. And as severl have said, learning to deal with someone who doesn't share your views is a great skill to have under your belt. You never know who you might meet, be working for, studying under, etc. Flipping out is not an option. In person or otherwise, now that the internet has become such a vital medium. Getting along with others and being able to take constructive criticism is all part of growing up. Objectivity and calmness is the key.
If you say you don't use profanity in real life, why then, do you feel compelled to use it on here? Just saying; If you're going to be yourself, be yourself. Don't try to emulate others just because you're behind a keyboard. If everyone on here were to smoke a joint at exactly the same time, would you join us? Simularly, if everyone were to jump off of a bridge into a freezing river, would you do so as wel if you were frustrated enough?
I don't really care about the outbursts on here; And several people choose to act differently online than in person, but my question is, why? I'm just provoking thoughts here at this point.
As for how we as blind people effect other individuals who are blind have a small story to tell. There is a individual who came to my boss at work because she is an older wiser lady who was looking for a accessible phone. This person felt overwelmed because of the options we have now verses when she got her older phone. To make a long story short, she went to a verizon store and they litterly shoved the Iphone on her, would not let her look at other options such as an droid 3. So my point was this, becaue most of the blind community uses Iphones or an Idevice, she hate to fight with verizon to even get to test an android out so a informed decition could be made on what phone she wanted to use. In the end she chose a Iphone but never the less she could honestly say both platforms between IOS and Android were given a fare trial run, she did not base it on what most blind people use. its a far fetched point I am trying to make but still, what one or 3 people see you as a blind person use they may think we all use it too.
I guess. Don't really know what else to say on this topic.
OK Write away, a question, then:
You, being a woman, no doubt have heard no end of discussion on sexism, inequalities in the workplace, etc.
If a blind person can somehow mystically enable or disable the opportunities for every other blind person, then why not tell women not to have meltdown in public? Why not tell women not to have drama, etc., all the things we excuse hand over fist, and claim that this will make every other woman's chances worse? You would be called a missogynist, and perhaps that would be a fair jdgment.
Or, how about if someone started making claims about one black affecting all blacks? You know everyone would, and perhaps also justificably, be screaming racism.
What is good for the goose, is good for the gander, I say.
very well said, Leo.
I know what you were going for Leo, but there is a detail you're forgetting. We're not talking about people acting a certain way, we're talking about stereotypes. We're saying don't fit the stereotype because people will assume all people will fit the stereotype.
Thus, to use your example, you absolutely should tell women not to be helpless and dependent on a male, that is the stereotype, and its wrong. You absolutely should tell blacks not to do drugs, join a gang and go to jail. That is the stereotype, and its not wrong to tell them not to fit it.
You can act as you are, but as you are should be as good as you can be. You shouldn't fit the stereotypes, because people will assume they are true.
This is probably horribly phrased, but I hope I'm making sense.
Call me crazy, but I feel that a person can act how they bloody well please. I will say, if you post on a board it is now public. However, we all have our skill sets.
True, just as long as you realize that people will judge others based on how you act. This is particularly true of us blind folks but of course it applies everywhere.
Hmm, well, Cody yours was much better phrased than my previous post.
I guess I'm a bit worn out for all the attempts at acting up to snuff of the invisible deity of anti-stereotypes. Honestly, from being on here, I apparently don't fit too many of the so-called stereotypes, but I'll still give a good judgmental idealist two minutes or less in my presence to find something and claim I made blind people look bad.
In the end, neither the resourceless pity party nor the idealist attempts at holding up to some phantom ideal is going to get the bills paid, the kids' school paid for, and all the rest of what it means to survive and make it in a post-industrialize country. Leave off the ideals to those who are either independently wealthy or are financially dependent on the rest of us, I say. The problem is, that sort of idealism doesn't produce anything: doesn't make you into something more viable, or give you some abilities to look after you and yours with any more precision and fortitude.
If it did, then these so-called super people, or perhaps even some of us average middle class types, would be waylaying people's fears and misconceptions left and right.
You even see it with the anti-gay-marriage people: they're so set on their thinking they can see a gay or lesbian couple with their kids in the parks doing everything the rest of us do, and still have a childish temper tantrum about the whole ideal. They're just not capable or intelligent enough to "keep it in their pants," as it were. I know several very successful gay people who have kids, do all the same things the rest of us do - of course, and yet there are people in their circle who see them on an ongoing basis who just can't get past their ideals. Those of us who have kind of learned and grown with the situation, we're the ones who are less prone to idealistic security blankets. I'm sure some of them probably imagine all gay men wear pink and all lesbians wear butch Ellen Degenerous haircuts / pants / collared shirts, even after they see so-called normally-dressed folk who happen to be gay in their parks, schools, stores, etc. The stories are a hell of a lot more fun than the mundane of people actually coexisting in their space. Gives them something to do and talk about. In the same way, when you or I are out and around just doing our thing, we most of the time would go unnoticed. But the social eccentric or odd one out gets all the stories made up about them, because, hell, people basically don't ever grow up: like adult kids they just love to spin the tales about this terrible bogeyman they ran into. Who really knows half the time if what they're saying is real or imagined? Whatever it is, it's fun for them. Watch them sometime, when they just can't get enough of telling you about this other one they met. Unless you redirect them, they're at some point totally incapable of stopping themselves most times.
Usually I would agree, but the idea of the stereotypical blind person is so engrained that its difficult to escape. I can't tell you how often I've had people be amazed that I don't do something they saw a blind person do in the movies or in a book. Its stupid, but that's the way it is.
People get a lot of things from the movies. I've seen people try to pick up a machinegun and sling it like arnold does in terminator. It can't be done, but they try because it was in the movies. Its now popular to hold your pistol sideways, which is completely incorrect, but it was popularized in the movies.
Pop culture gives us a lot of our stereotypes, and that, combined with other people they see more or less fitting them, gives them a basis to judge from. It is up to us to not fit the stereotypes, and set ourselves apart.
Codey's last point is was what I was trying to make with the Iphone and android example I gave. Probly should have used a guide dog verses having a cane but the phone one came up first in my mind.
But the stereotypical anything is deeply ingrained, is it not? The stereotypical black, the stereotypical Hispanic? What makes the stereotypical blind person that much worse, or the stereotype itself more in need of disproving? I have a black friend who on some days hates his race because he chooses to speak intelligently, listen to other genres of music besides rap, and not dress like a bum. He gets a lot of shit from members of his family and some of his friends because of this. I myself went through a phase when I was a lot younger where I actually toyed with the idea of getting a sex change because as a female, I knew it was intolerable to harbor feelings of aggression, among other things, like the fact I listen to heavy metal, and a friend of mine actually said, "wow, I never knew a girl who liked metal before." In our own way, my friend and I despised the stereotypes that were suffocating us just as much as some of you appear to despise the stereotypes associated with blindness.
So, I'm genuinely curious to hear the other side of this, what makes one prejudice worse than another?
Truth be told, it's the sex appeal.
I think it's telling, when you see some so-called diversity advocate for women or blacks or gays or whoever, who will lambast the blind for some stereotype. Just goes to show how deep that so-called diversity shit really goes. Not much to it, now is there?
Oh it can be explained, and easily. Blacks are popular, gays are compelling and women are sexy. There is no appeal regarding the blind or blindness itself, so there is no reward for them accepting stereotypes. Ain't it grand? And you pay for all them diversity types who run about skin deep is all.
What Cody says about people and pop culture and the movies is true, to infuriating proportions. And the so-called diversity and what is acceptable stereotypes or not, that's all pop and sex appeal. Including, and especially, by those elitist types who live off your tax dollars writing books about it. It's one of those things, that if it didn't actually affect you, you could watch them go at it like it were free day at the local zoo.
to answer your question as straightforward as I can, the difference is that this board post wasn't about blacks or women, it was about blind people. Thus, I stuck to blind people.
I'm completely in favor of blacks not fitting stereotypes, or women, or asians, or mexicans, or indians, or tacos, or monkeys, all of them. I don't think anyone should fit a stereotype. Ok, maybe tacos, but that's it.
You should all be your own individual. However, if that individual is fitting a stereotype, you should consider changing it for the good of yourself and those effected by it. This poster is not independent, or seems not to be. Thus, he is effecting any blind or handicapped person around him. He should then, for his own sake and the sake of others, become more independent. Mostly for his own sake.
does that clear anything up?
That makes sense. I have to agree that if I knew him personally, and I was going to be affected by his attitude, in an educational or professional way, I would completely agree with you. As it stands, there are probably a lot of blind people who are just like him, just as there are healthy, independent blind people. The unfortunate thing is that you can't control what happens in life, or who you'll meet, and the stereotypes they may have encountered along the way. Sometimes you have to cut your losses. It's not fair or right, but there's nothing we can really do about it. Does running this person into the ground accomplish anything? Probably not, judging by the way he responds. Maybe in time he can grow up and figure out that the world won't be handed to him on a silver platter, maybe not. But, as long as I'm not personally affected by his attitude, or anyone else who posts on these boards who has a similar attitude, I'm not going to join in the bashing. I don't think that's quite the right term I was looking for, but I can't think of a better one at the moment.
I like your outlook FR.
I completely agree with FireAndRain, very well said.
But then, in address to F&R's post, one must ask the question of how to judge whether you are effected by it or not? If you go around not doing anything about something, simply because it might not involve you, how do you know if it does involve you? Do you only take action on the most obvious of cases?
And besides, do you only take action in defense of yourself? Can you not take a stance in defense of someone else who might be effected by him. Possibly even take a stance in defense of himself? Could you not have sympathy on behalf of a fellow person? Why must you only take action in defense of yourself?
Certainly, he is not going to listen to us. He is too hardheaded and stubborn and defensive. However, when he falls and scrapes his knee, he may think back to what we have said here, and have a change of heart.
To turn a phrase that I like very much, all that is necessary for wrong to exist is for right people to do nothing. I would hope that, were I wrong on something, someone would have the courage and the kindness to stand up and correct me. Even if I did not seem to listen to them.
Comes down to pick your battles. Something you do more as years and decades go by, and you got more fronts to fight upon.
Agree with Leo.
exactly my thoughts, Leo and Cody.
more power to those who feel they can truly find comfort in only standing up for themselves, or simply when they feel they're directly affected; I'm not one of you.
I'm someone who has learned that even when situations don't directly affect me now, they likely will at some point.
so, if I have the knowledge/tools to help others, why not use them? why be selfish and wait till I'm there myself, when, as Cody said, it'd be nice to have someone help me/tell me I'm wrong?
But at what point do you stop fighting and start living your own life?
apparently some would rather just involve themselves in others lives and business even though it doesn't concern or affect them what so ever, than just concentrate on bettering their own lives. Sounds pretty sad to me.
There's a difference between posting your opinion, and repeatedly coming back to do it again, and again, on the same topic, regardless of responses given. I'm all for posting your uncensored thoughts. And if someone responds with a thought provoking comment or question that leads to an actual discussion being had, then by all means, keep talking. But clearly, this person isn't at all receptive to our thoughts, and does not wish to have a discussion on the matter. This is the point where I personally think it's time to live and let live. Unless you're one of the people who will have to deal with the original poster on a daily basis, there's really nothing more we can do or say on the matter that will result in anything worthwhile. We've made our point. we've shown him that we're not going to give him a pity party because he doesn't like his roommate, and we've suggested ways for him to potentially better his situation. he clearly doesn't want our opinions to positively affect his life. Thus, unless someone has something else to say that calls for a *different* response, all we're doing at this point is talking.
Um... Dreamy, sweetie, talking is the entire point of this site. If you can extend the word talking to include typing. Its no stretch of the imagination really. This entire site was created for us to talk.
Now, my five cents. Kind lady, (sorry, don't know your name), do you honestly believe that there is such thing as your own life? Your entire existence is predicated on other people's support, assistance, and mere existance. Thus, it is entirely and logically impossible to concentrate wholly on oneself, and to better oneself. One must better society to better oneself, because oneself cannot be better than society.
This is not to say that you can't show an exemplory side of society. However, you are still restricted to society's limits.
We have, in our way, attempted to better the blind society by giving our opinions on this board. As, it may surprise you to realize, have you. You have been equally as strident in your argument as we have. Simply because you are passive aggressive in your manner of argument, does not make you any less vehement.
I am by no means saying that your method is any better or worse than ours. I am simply saying that you are doing the exact same thing we are. We are expressing our opinion on the topic, and you express your opinion on our opinions. Thus, you are equally as guilty as the rest of us for any continuation or judgement made. Because you are being, as I believe I've pointed out above, as equally judgemental as us. You are simply qualifying your judgements with passive aggressive tendencies.
For you to say, (and I paraphrase), "it appears that some people can't just live there own lives and leave others alone", you are giving your opinion on someone else's life. Thus, you are doing the exact thing which you are accusing me and my fellows of doing.
You manage to make yourself feel better by attempting to coat your judgement in frilly words that sound sweet and kind and well intentioned. However, your intentions, though you may not even realize it, are the exact same as ours. You think that because you say something nicely, that you are being nice.
The fact of the matter is, you don't like our opinions. I won't say you don't like us because I find it difficult to believe you would make that leap for someone you don't know. I will give you the benefit of the doubt on that. However, you do not have the respect for our opinions to simply state yours in a straightforward manner. You must sugarcoat it to make yourself feel better, and act as if you're being kind. this is pretencious, and highly disrespectful.
Thus, I will afford your opinions the respect that you will not, apparently, afford us. You're being hypocritical and pretencious. You are lording something you see as a high quality, false kindness, over those you feel are not capable of showing it on these boards. Thus, though I admit that I may cut deep with some of my words, I feel you are the greater sinner in these debates.
I am sorry for getting off topic. Where were we?
Oh give me a break! If a person keeps to him (or her) self, they will be living there own life. Is it just me or are the blind stuck in this constant extended stall pattern. Bitch bitch bitch, but when it comes down to looking in that mirror at the end of the day, it mysteriously turns into passing the buck and saying "wo is me." I for one am sick of the silliness. I will admit to falling into the trap in the past--we all have--but let's grow a goddamn pare already.
I can respond to the beginning of that poorly punctuated paragraph, but I'm not sure on the end. Can you perhaps explain your influences for your diatribe?
as for the beginning, it is easy, the answer is no. Even if you keep to yourself, you are not living only your own life. Even if you keep completely to yourself, you will have influences and be influenced by others.
Even St. Simon, who kept so to himself he lived on top of a pillar in the desert couldn't live his own life. He had to help other people with their's.
In fact, if you give it some logical thought, the more you attempt to retreat into yourself, and to live a life that you wish to call your own, the more you are assailed by society. That is what society does. Welcome to society.